Table football, ah yes, isn't it? We have one of those here at work, but it's a real cheapo version and after the first day the left back of "Team Yellow" exploded during a game with their long standing European rivals, "Team Rouge".

We tried to tape his legs back on, but they're sort of all wonky now. He can put a mean slice on the ball though if you're lucky and hit it at the right angle, but the rest of the time he's just crap.

Oh, and the ball's not round anymore, it's more like a Terry's Chocolate Orange with a few segments missing.

Denmark 4 England 1.

Shocking performance, worst defeat for 25 years. A Danish pasting wasn't it.

I had just returned from holiday, and was very disappointed that while I was prepared to battle illness and jet lag to watch this game, England's finest were going through the motions and looking like they'd rather be in Stringfellows, or wherever it is they hang out these days. Somewhere I've never heard of probably.

Ok, so I only had a peeling elbow and Spain isn't far but still, eh? There was a distinct lack of three lions on a shirt, I thought. Good job it was only a pretend match.

I am now off to take part in the first game in the inter-office table football tournament. Don't be a la-di-dah ponce and call it fussball, this isn't Friends. We're not French. I had a practice session at lunchtime and went all wobbly. It's like go-karting, I get wired up to the max and can't come down. If only our boys had gone on to the pitch like that in Copenhagen. Save it till it matters though, I suppose.