Commonwealth Games News Report

The Queen (God bless her) has declared the Commonwealth Games open in a glittering ceremony la la la... She received the Queen's baton... and sprinted up the steps with it... 71 competing nations... who knew there are 71 nations in the Commonwealth? [The Queen probably.] I doubt if I could come up with more than 10. Must be a lot of little islands and that.

I dunno, maybe Guernsey or something is counted as a nation.

Former Neighbours star Delta Goodrem sang 'Together We Are One', co-written with boyfriend and former Westlife singer Brian McFadden. Oh you lucky lucky people.

Dame Kiri Te Kanawa sang... Happy Birthday ... National Anthem yeah yeah... swagman... the Queen (Gawd bless her).

Missing ... Ian Thorpe ... Paula Radcliffe.

The ceremony began with the surreal sight of a winged tram landing in the centre of the Melbourne Cricket Ground... a picture please...

The Queen, dressed in gold ... gold! from head to toe like in the Kanye West song... and accompanied by the Duke of Edinburgh (God bless him, miserable old tosser)...

She watched as the ceremony continued with a boy being led on a magical adventure by a toy duck, featuring scenes evoking Australia's cultural heritage.

yeah... a magical adventure... a toy duck...

Anyway, Cathy Freeman, fireworks display ... 86 days to the World Cup...

Cheers, Trevor McDonald.